OpheliaAnne

A New Found Love.

But not newly found at all, with all the memories of creative writing to express pain finally surfacing.

I remember my first iPod touch, i had every app downloaded that could show me photos of quotes about love and pain. My Pinterest before Pinterest.

I always put my hand up when reading a page out loud to the class, as early as grade 3 I can remember.

Over 10 years later, I can recall my love for reading and writing, seemingly lost in the rocks that surrounded the whirlpool that is my emotional world.

Did you know all the greatest poets of our time are well rehearsed in the knowledge of feeling pain despite being told we are not to? Despite the conditioning that tells men they cannot cry or else be labelled weak or god forbid a ‘girl’. And more disgustingly so the history on labelling women too emotional or not logical enough to be of any value. This is more than a life long battle it is the path that was chosen for us long before we came.

Tell me, does the ocean tell the fish to stop swimming? Do the trees tell the birds to stop chirping? I wonder if the moon tells the sun to stop shining, or maybe whether the sun stops at all to tell the stars they aren’t shining enough.

Our greatest collective mistake is to think we are anything but one of natures own. All this plastic and wiring and synthetic food has us more sick than ever.

Love, the very essence of nature will out live us all. There will come a time the fish cease to swim, the birds stop chirping and moon and sun and stars are all that’s left, who will tell us not to be what we are and always have been then?

Despite the Angst & Suffering.

There has, there is so much beauty within and around me.

I am surrounded by beautiful people and environments. What a privilege it is to be nostalgic for the beauty i see.

And before the world took over, I remember. A little girl with BIG dreams. Whom believed in magic and fairies. Everything had to be pink and organised and god she loved to sing. She, so soft and loving and caring and labelled too much and made to feel like everything was her fault. And at no fault of her own she became the scariest of them all. Through her pain.

She learnt not to trust easily and hurt before they could hurt her.

She loved clothes and cats and drinking tea and watching her mum grow old with her.

Femininity became her…

The stars and the moon fell at her feet and god did they love her.

Playing dress up was all she wanted and family trips to the water gave her life.

Making her grandmother a tea was what she did best. & cuddles were a must.

There was a common theme…

Failed friendships and crying because she couldn’t sleep, her best friend was insomnia and she came to visit more times than she was welcome.

But she could swim with the trees and do herself up, so that she wouldn’t be consumed by the death and destruction that had once taken her beloved grandfather, that tried to take her father and sister and gratefully failed.

Freedom meant living her truth.

She never did much care what others thought, so long as she felt comfortable in herself. And if that were not the case then she’d find a way, as she did.

Through new friends and environments and ways to arrange the matter around her. She was a true alchemist, a Gypsy, a catalyst for change. That is her story.

Not the one where they think they know her better than she knows herself.

The story they tell is the version that allows for their own comfort in the midst of chaos where her lights bring their darkness to the universe’s knees.

There is a reason she never gives up. She rewrites her story as many times as she needs to before realising it is her own voice that matters most.

And opinions are just that, carefully chosen thoughts on the basis of personal insecurity.

And should there come a day where her softness returns & surrounds her like a love balloon, she will have known all along that the importance of her existence far outweighs the judgments of others who are yet to beat their own darkness and find the light. For it exists within us all.

For those in darkness tend to spread it like a wild fire never known to any man or woman who chose to self sacrifice at the expense of knowing oneself despite all that has been taught. A lesson on conditioning.

And it is true when they say, healing takes time.

My Love.